The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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