I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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