I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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