I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
