You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
