just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
