i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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