am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
