I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
