dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
