is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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