just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
