Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
