my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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