can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
as a side note pls kill me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
