i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
