why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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