turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
