There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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