So drunk its hurt
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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