One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
