That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
