What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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