Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
