Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The air was thick with penises
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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