listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
