She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
