physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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