Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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