Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
