So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
