I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
