She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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