My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
