I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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