This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
