weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My Higher Power is John Stamos
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
