I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
