I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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