I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
