Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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