i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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