You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
