Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
NoShamevember. You game?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
