I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
