Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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