dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
