Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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