Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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