Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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