wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
